Nothin lust forever

Sooo, today, I went to visit my ex-gf of 8 years. We separated around 3 years ago. I emailed her couple of time. There wasn't any response. I still harbor hope that we could some day be together again. But, turn out she's already engaged!

I was really stumped, when was told by her mom. But, I tried to keep my cool. I really wanted to see and talk to her. I, didn't really believe it at first or maybe, didn't want to. But, when her younger brother came back home and ask me what's wrong and told me his sister getting married soon. I finally, slowly started to accept the fact.

I told him, I wanted to see my ex and talk some personal stuff with her. He, was really trying to get me to talk to him instead and told me he's her younger brother. But, I told him, I know that. But, he's not the one I wanted to talk to. Anyway, to cut the story short. I gave him my phone number which somehow I know, she wouldn't call anyway.

I, didn't really get to see her for at least the last time. But, I guess, it's my fault and maybe it's for the better. She's engaged soon to be married. I'm feeling kind of sad. But, at the same time I'm happy cause my plan works. I left her, in the hope that she'll find someone else better. I'm just useless. I can't seem to save enough to get married. I'm too lazy. haha. So, this is what I get for being too damn lazy. Sigh. What, can I do now?

I want to forget the whole episode today. This is the day, that, my love story ended. She's been the one that I had really truly loved. I've been telling her all this while that nothing lust forever. And, so, it came true for me today.

I guess, it's finally over. I should move one. And, so, I should.

Have a great wedding and a long happy married life. I'm happy for you. But, in the end sad for me. But, heck, that's life. I feel like crying, but, I don't really want to. I know, I should. But, again, I think I wouldn't. Sigh. Let's move on..

Life a gift, take care of it ..

So, my bro-in-law brother was hospitalized and had to be operated on yesterday. I was told, that he had a hole in his heart. Frankly, it doesn't surprise me. Their whole family are hardcore smokers. If, they all sit in one room, you'll be huffing and puffing for fresh air!

The thing is, their father died because of the same heart complications. What, I'm getting at is that, this guy is only around 33 years of age and he's already had to go through this operation. What's worse is that he doesn't even work!

I'm just wondering hard, how's he's going to pay for all his medical bills. He, definitely don't have any money, that I'm pretty sure. I'm sure, he'll have to use his mom medisave account. *roll eyes*.

I decided to post about it here as I hope this could be a lesson to us all. We all heard it before, it's better to take care of yourself, to work and save your money for this kind of emergency. It's important to work hard when you are young and healthy. To remember, good health is really a blessing and we should be thankful. Don't waste the chance you're given in life.

It's easy to say, "no, I'll do it later". I'll stop smoking or drinking or even eat right or whatever. But, the thing is, sickness or misfortunes doesn't warn u before it happens. When, it's gonna happen, it'll happen. So, it's always good to be prepared. Always, good to save up for a rainy day.

This hold true even in this world economic crisis. Did you saved enough in the event that you are laid off? I, certainly hope so. For your own sake!

It's easy to forget when it seems, life so good and you don't think anything worse can or will happen to your life right now. But, life is so unpredictable. You, could be laughing right now but would be crying your heart out the next. It's always good to be prepared for the worse in life, cause, believe you me, it will. It's also good to be mentally prepared for the worse. I find that, if I think of the worse thing that could happen, it didn't happen. But, if I take things too lightly and the worse struck me. That's just life.

One, thing I'm sure of is that. Nothing, is perfect in life. People come and go. Friends, move on. Parents dies. Children dies. It's all happening in this world. Don't take it to heart. Most, of the time, I just shrug it off as part of life. One day, I'll die. That will be that. The end.

In any case, be thankful, you still got a chance to change for the better. To make something out of this short time we are given. Nothing, gonna last forever. So, take care, have fun but don't throw it all away. Don't waste it.

That's all I have to say right now. Have a nice weekend.

about life n death..

Sooo, last night I find it hard to sleep. My mind wonder from one thing to another and finally, I just got thinking, how life seems so meaningless to me right now. It's like a vicious cycle. Everyday, I will wake up, go to work and come back from work and that sums up my life right now. The problem is, I know I need to find something interesting or worthwhile to do but, I can't find anything I really like right now.

I've been telling people I'm in a semi-retired mode as, there's nothing much else left I want in life right now. Everthing, seems so boring to me. I don't know, maybe, because I'm leading a simple single life so, I really do have a lot of time in my hand. That's why, I feel it's kind of wasted and I know I could do something worthwhile. I've been thinking about a couple of options I could take. 

For example, I've thought of joining a non-profit organization, maybe to help out the needy or in disaster areas or something like that. I'll like to do my part to help the world. The problem is, I don't know how I can go about doing it. Also, at the same time, I'm kind of lazy. Haha. So, really, I need to get off my butts and start doing something or I'll die of boredom.

The only thing, that keep me excited right now is games. New games, and also new technology. I really like to see new stuff created or designed. That's one thing, that actually makes me want to stay alive. I really want to know what's the future is like in 20 years time. Right now, I think I'm heading towards depression or something like that. I don't know. For me, right now, life seems so meaningless. I've got nothing to live for. Nothing, to look forward to. Nothing, to work hard for.

Hmmm, if this is semi-retirement, I don't know what's full retirement would do to me.

Sometime, when I think about life and death. How, I'm going to die, I just feel that, "GOD, just get it over with. Damn it. Just let me die now!".

Sooner, or later, I'm going to die. I've got nothing in my life right now, that I feel why wait?

Do, I have to wait longer to just die?

When, really is my time?

I just feel empty right now. I don't know. I couldn't sleep yesterday night, thinking about all this. Maybe, I think too much. Maybe, I have too much free time. Maybe, I'm leading a too easy, simple life? Haha!

Once, awhile. These thoughts go through my mind. Once, awhile, I'll feel like I want to die right now. Just get it over with. When, I think about death, I just wonder, I just couldn't stand life anymore. I want to end it. But, I'll have to wait. Maybe not?

I don't know why, I think about death too much. I need to look forward. Need, to find something worthwhile to do with my life. I'll look around. I don't know. Maybe, I'll just lay still and rot to death. I don't know, if I can still long enough anyway. Haha.

I'll always think about life and death. I just hope, something will crop up soon, or I'll just die.

I'll just die.

Die.